The Adventure of Cloud the Cheese Man
by Guillotine Cloud
Summary: This is wacky. A fic about Cloud, cheese, tight pants, and a day gone wrong. Read and review please. I LOVE REVIEWS!!! PLEASE!!!! I BEG OF YOU! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Read and reviwe please, and enjoy.


The Adventure of Cloud the Cheese Man **__**

The Adventure of Cloud the Cheese Man

Craziness….sheer craziness…..read and review….

(The FF7 gang, Lila, and Sephirouch (anyone remember him?) were in Midgar Oh, and me. All except Cloud, who was at Nibelheim. TO HIM!)

Cloud: (walks up to Zangan) Ya, wassa dude?

Zangan: Cloud, I want you to deliver cheese for me.

Cloud: Cool! Sure!

Zangan: Okay! (gives Cloud two pounds of Muenster cheese) Now, take this to Midgar.

Cloud: Okey dokey.

(and so, Cloud set off.. meanwhile, in Midgar…)

Yuffie: So WHERE is Cloud again?

Lila: (sitting reeeeal close to Vincent) What's up, Vinny?

Vincent: (looks at Lila) You have it all wrong. It's wasssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap? Oh! Whoops, I mean…………………………….

Lila: Hee hee!

Sephirouch: Gawd dawggit! I want Malcolm!

TR Cloud of the Ages (TRCA): well, YOU CAN'T HAVE MALCOLM! So bleh!

Lila: Ciddy-poo!

Cid: &&%&%^^& nicknames!!!!

TRCA: Ciddy-min-buns!

Cid: &*^&%%^ you!

Tifa: Ciddy-min-buns! CIDDY-MIN-BUNS!!!!!

Cid: Now look what you did! You got her started!

Lila: Of course, Ciddy-Kins!

Barret: Ya foo'! The real nickname is Ciddio Hornblower!

Cid: ARGH! BABBLIN' FOO'!!!!!

(everyone looks at Cid)

Cid: Uh…..^*%^&??????? &*&^*&&^!!!!!!!

Aeris: Hee hee….Cloudy-poo

(back to Cloud)

Cloud: Man this cheese is heavy! Good thing I have this secret cave to Midgar (see Silent Waltz for details) that can get me to where I wanna go! Gawd, these pants are tight. Ugh, they are gonna make a mark! Oh well, no one is looking, so might as well get down to the skivvies!

(Cloud runs behind a rock and strips. He then runs out and starts doing somersaults in the field. Suddenly, three merchants appear from behind the rock)

Merchant 1: Oim telling you, mate, there ain't noo nekkid gooy rooning around here!

Merchant 2: No, there is, I know this place!

Merchant 3: Dude, look at that! (points to Cloud)

Merchant 2: OMIGAWSH!!!!! I was right!

Merchant 1: Blimey mate! Oi saw eet! Oi saw eet with my own two ooiyes!

Merchant 3: Dude, let's scram. He is a WEIRDO!

Merchant 2: Dude, let's stay!

Merchant 1: Oi! What's with the dewds? Woi, back een the day, we used ta-

Merchants 2 and 3: SHADDAP!!!!!!!!!

(and all three merchants flee)

Cloud: (stops somersaulting) Ahh, that was a blast! And I feel………AH FEEL GOOD! DANANANANANANA! I FEEEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOD! DANANANANANANA! I KNEW THAT I-

Zangan: CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOUD!!!!!!

Cloud: (Cloud whirls around to see Zangan looking at him) OH……MY………GAWD! (runs behind rock and gets clothes back on) I'm on my way, sir! (Cloud runs in the opposite direction quickly) Damn, that was close! (Cloud walks into the secret passage) Darnit! These pants are still too tight…oh well! (Cloud strips again, puts his clothes in his backpack, and puts his sword in his backpack) Ahh…..back to nature!!!!!

(back to the gang at Midgar)

TRCA: BOOYAKA! Anyone wanna play gin?

Tifa: YES! I WANT TO PLAY GIN! C'mon big boys and unnattractive females? Sliptrick sick!

Cid: ^^&^&^&^ foo'!

Barret: Hey! That's my line, ya foo'! &&*^&^ PIZZA!

TRCA: Actually, lemme use the PHS to get Cloud (takes out PHS) Hey Cloud!

Cloud: Hi!

TRCA: What's up?

Cloud: Uh..nothing! It's going great. My clothes are……….OKAY, I'VE STRIPPED, OKAY? My pants were too tight!

TRCA:………….okay…….. _I DON'T want to know, I DON'T want to know…_

Cloud: Uh, bye!

(click)

TRCA: Uh….okay…….um….never mind. So, um………Malcolm

Sephirouch: Cheese.

Lila: WOOF!

Vincent: ^&^*^&^&*^&!

(everyone looks at Vincent)

Vincent:………………

Red XIII: POLAND SPRINGS RULES! (slurp)

(back to Cloud)

Cloud: (walking along) Ah, this breeze is nice…(Suddenly, Cloud gets warped to the Land of Fields With No Rocks and Bunnies Everywhere) Huh? Where…..am I?

Red Bunny: OOOOO!!!!! LOOK AT HIM!

Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Blue Bunny: Cool. Um, what's the rating for this fic?

Me: PG-13, just barely.

Blue Bunny: &*^&^*^***!

Green Bunny: D00d, wh3r3z y00r cl0th3z? And why d00 I sm3ll ch33z3?

Cloud: Uh…..no reason! (runs)

Purple Bunny: Prune me! Prune me!

Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGH!

(Cloud is warped to the Midgar room instantly)

Aeris: CLOUDY POO!!!!!!

Cloud: OHMIGAWSH!!!!!!! (runs out, Aeris hot at his heels)

Tifa: WOW…..cool.

Cid: What the ^^&%&*&% was ^&^^&^^&ing that???

Barret: The foo' got coo'!

Red XIII: (slurp) Huh? (slurp)

TRCA: Uh…..um…..well…………..(sounds of…..well, sounds, are heard)

Lila: OH KEWL!!!!!!! Does it have anything to do with-

Sephirouch: FUZZ! Did you know that some sickos make (shudders) Hojo/Self-insertion fics?

TRCA: EWW!

Lila: EWW!

Cid: EWW!

Vincent:…

Barret; EWW! Foo'!

Red XIII: (slurp slurp)

Cait Sith: EWW!

Yuffie: Huh?

(Cloud walks in, gasping)

Cloud: (gasp) Argh…….that was…….(gasp)…..exhilarating! (throws Chinese Throwing Socks at Yuffie)

Yuffie: OW!

Cloud: Take THAT, Yuffster!

Cid: Yuff Puff, Yuff Puff!

Barret: Yuff Puff? The foo' is that?"

Yuffie: How the (censored) am I (censored) supposed to (censored) know?

(everyone's jaw drops)

(Aeris walks in)

Aeris: HI!!!!!

Red XIII: this fic is long, huh?

Barret; Damn straight, lil' cat!

Cait Sith: Hey! YO! TATTOE PUFF! I'm the only cat! MEEEEEOW! (screams)

Barret: ARGH! Ya &&*^&^ing foo'! FOO'!!!!

Cait Sith: You are Mr. T! Whoever the &*&*^*& that is.

Cloud: Dude, everyone is swearing!

Yuffie: *&**^&*& you, Cloud!

Cloud: (glares at Yuffie)

(Yuffie shuts up)

Reno: Hey! I haven't got a say yet!

Cloud: Well, too bad! You never will!

Reno: I just did.

Cloud: Oh poo!

Lila: RENO!!!!!!!!

Reno: Ohmigawsh!!!! Not Lila! ARGH!!!!!!! (runs away)

Lila: NOOOOOO! (Chases after Reno)

Sephirouch: Uh…….fuzz?

Rude: I AM A RUDEY POO! *farts* NO EXCUSE ME FOR YOU! I BLOW MY TRUMPET, AND GAWSHDANGIT I SEND OUT THE BROWN MOON! YEEHAA!

Cloud: Okay……….

Sephirouch: (rides around on his magical cheese wheel) NO!!!!! My ch33z3 wheel!

Me: Oh, sorry.

(Lila walks in)

Lila: HI! I missed Reno!

Rufus: Good……the Turks……don't………the Turks are two-bit sleazebags!!!!

(everyone looks at Rufus)

Rufus: Uh……..(runs)

(Don Corneo runs in)

Don Corneo: WHOO HOO HOO! COME TO PAPA!

Tifa: ARGH! Oh no!

Aeris: ARGH! Oh no!

Don Corneo: NOT YOU TWO!!!! Cloud!!!

Cloud: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (runs)

(everyone runs)

Me: We all run!

A Voice: You……cannot run from boss battles……..

Me: Damn **(^*(^&%&*ing straight!

A Voice: Okay. Just wanted to let you know.

Me: Why, thank you! Um…….can we end this fic? Okay, let's do (closes the curtain)

A Voice: SUNUVA SMURF!!!!!!!!!

(curtain is opened to reveal a stage)

(Vincent and Cait Sith both have on a hat and have a cane)

Vincent:……………………softshoe……….

(They dance offstage)

(the curtain drops)

**__**

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!

Barret: Ya foo'!

Me: Shut up! (throws Chinese Throwing Socks, and closes another curtain)

**__**

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
